All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
