shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
