there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
