he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
