while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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