The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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