Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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