Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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