My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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