He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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