I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we should paint friendship bongs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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