I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
