but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
