If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sober January is a disaster.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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