my vag is so smooth its legendary
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
