the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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