My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can I color on your dick again?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
