so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
