I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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