I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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