the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
