Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
