was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
and you fell through a lawn chair
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize