Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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