Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
