someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
