I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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