How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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