Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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