no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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