i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
