I just threw up on my dentist
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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