im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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