If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
