i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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