yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
