she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
