I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
