was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
