theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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