This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize