kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
