Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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