exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
