can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
