I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
