He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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