Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize