how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
