just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
